High End Shopping

I don’t give off the proper scent
To walk into Yves Saint Laurent.
For Prada I got nadda.
And Gucci, Burberry and Fendi
Cannot bear to look at me.
I have no accord with Tom Ford.
Salvatore Ferragamo
Looked me over and said “No.”
I was at a loss with Boss.
Try Dolce? Or Gabbana?
With my debit I don’t wanna.
My swan sang for Vera Wang.
My hips lament how far they’ve gone
When they see Louis Vuitton.
I won’t give more to Dior.
Dooney liked me, but Burke
Was such a fiscal jerk!
I cannot pay for Hermès.
Where else could I possibly go,
Since you won’t have me, Valentino?
Jimmy Choo, the same to you.

I don’t get why shopping’s a chore
I can’t even enter most of the stores!

At least you’ll never turn on me.
Thank you, Coldstone Creamery.

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I started this one singing it like Garrison Keillor does – I can hear the band and his breathy voice making all those goofy rhymes.

Man, I haven’t had Coldstone Creamery in ages….