One Place to Start Loving Myself


One Place to Start Loving Myself

Today it will be the top of my calf.
It’s a good place to start.
A place to start loving myself.
You’re not so bad, top of calf
You have an elegant curve.
You haven’t been sore today.
You let me jump a few inches off the ground in cardio
With you on my side,
I might not be so bad
So unappealing
So doomed…

It’s a start.


Sing it with Full Confidence


Note: this is a song I made up in the car. If I remember to write the notes down, I’ll include it here in an edit. It’s a fast-paced, bluesy song.

Sing it with Full Confidence

I’m a daughter of the water
And a child of the land
I got one foot in a puddle
And my hands in the sand
I’ll take my bucket to the river
Till the waters run dry
Then I’ll cry
Then I’ll cry

It doesn’t have to make sense
If you sing it with full confidence!
Sing to me, in a tree
From your boat on the Seine
If you can pull on my heartstrings
Then I’ll call you a man
And we can sail down that river
Till waters run dry
Then say goodbye
Say goodbye

It doesn’t have to make sense
If you sing it with full confidence!

I’ll be found, underground
Digging down the core
With amphora in my backpack
And my soul wanting more
I’ll drink full from the Styx
Till the waters run dry
And I’ll die
Yes I’ll die!

It doesn’t have to make sense
If you sing it with full confidence!

High End Shopping


High End Shopping

I don’t give off the proper scent
To walk into Yves Saint Laurent.
For Prada I got nadda.
And Gucci, Burberry and Fendi
Cannot bear to look at me.
I have no accord with Tom Ford.
Salvatore Ferragamo
Looked me over and said “No.”
I was at a loss with Boss.
Try Dolce? Or Gabbana?
With my debit I don’t wanna.
My swan sang for Vera Wang.
My hips lament how far they’ve gone
When they see Louis Vuitton.
I won’t give more to Dior.
Dooney liked me, but Burke
Was such a fiscal jerk!
I cannot pay for Hermès.
Where else could I possibly go,
Since you won’t have me, Valentino?
Jimmy Choo, the same to you.

I don’t get why shopping’s a chore
I can’t even enter most of the stores!

At least you’ll never turn on me.
Thank you, Coldstone Creamery.





I started this one singing it like Garrison Keillor does – I can hear the band and his breathy voice making all those goofy rhymes.

Man, I haven’t had Coldstone Creamery in ages….