[Day] 28

Day 28: Switchboard Prayer


In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

Also Buddha.

And I guess if any ancient spirits unaffiliated are nearby

If you could lend an ear as well.

Ahem, Amen.

Our Father, who art in Heaven

But this is not your church, God.

This is Buddha’s home

So, Buddha, do you mind if I talk to God?

Or perhaps you are a part of God?

No, you were a man of transcendence

Which means you play cards with Jesus

Great – am I being sacrilegious?

Hail Mary, full of grace…

You are so much easier to talk to than God

Woman to woman, I think you get me

Better, understand me a little more.

Don’t tell him I said that.

He already knows anyway.

Where was I?

Ah yes – so please Buddha

Since this is your house

Do whatever it is you do for good people

And do it for the good people I know.

And God, understand that I offer my prayers to you

But I’m not sure you get reception on Buddha’s mountain

The signal might be a little fuzzy

And isn’t it better to try and get along with everyone?

Forgive us our trespasses

(Like trying to pray to everyone at once.

I’m just trying to be fair here!)

As we forgive those who trespass against us

You know, I am no longer angry at that smoker who shoved me.

It’s this holy vibe I’m getting from Buddha

He’s got mojo here

Again, I’m being sacrilegious.

Again, forgive me my trespasses –

Apologies to all parties.

Buddha, forgive me for praying to my God on your mountain

God, forgive me for asking Buddha to help me out

Mary, mother of God, just put in a good word for me

Bodhisattva of Not Messing Things Up – step up your game, Dude.

Sorry, I think my informality is fear

That in asking any of you for help

I’m only making it worse.

Here’s a candle.

Here’s some incense.

I’m leaving now.

Peace be with you all.

Ahem, Amen.





This is a free form poem, in that it is almost exactly the inner monologue I had trying to pray to God on the top of a Buddhist mountain, and getting thoroughly awkward with myself.


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