2.21 Tell Us Something that Makes you Unique

Here is my name.
Here is my address.
Here is my employment history.
I snuck into the temple of Artemis once.
Here are my salary requirements.
Here are my references.
Here are my transcripts.
I cracked a cinder block on a man’s stomach with a sledgehammer.
Here is my Microsoft proficiency.
Here are my administrative skills.
Here is my payroll background.
I can catch snakes.
Here is why I’m applying
Here is why you should hire me.
Here is who I am.
I am nothing like my papers.

Lately I’ve been noticing job applications that ask for the applicant to say something “unique” about themselves. I’m not sure how I feel about this. You have potentially hundreds of people, all already trying to impress with all the things that they were *told* would get them work (internships, degrees, certifications, etc.), and now you want them to stand out by being quirky? It strikes me as a little unfair. Students fresh out of college, mid-level executives – they’re looking hard looking for work to pay their bills and support themselves, and now they/we must also do a little dance. And I fail to see how my stint breaking cinder blocks on a man makes me any more or less qualified to answer phones or run Quickbooks.

2.22 Strong Garments

You’re always telling me to
“Put on my big girl panties and deal with it.”
I assume by this you mean a thong,
Because when I was little I wore practical underwear.
There were trees to climb
And games of kickball to play.
A thong is not going to help me deal with anything
Except visible panty lines.
Which, I guess, is a pretty big crisis.
Isn’t it?