Friendly Coaching (4.2)

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Friendly Coaching

She blithely skips up the stairs
On legs capable of wearing dripping pink sequins
Attached to backless dresses mere mortals cannot fathom.
“Come on,” she chirps.
My legs, sturdy columns, bend like wrought iron.
My feet follow in half-hearted humor,
As one laughing at a friend’s too-obvious punchline.
“You wanted to train – this is training!”
This is not training.
This is trudging.
This is…trudgery.
With a bag full of groceries and in socks meant for trousers,
I can only move forward and hope that my calves are getting ready
For harder inclines than the gentle overpass offers.
“Aren’t a I good friend?”
Yes.
You’re a good friend.
But before I can acknowledge this too-obvious truth
There you go floating down the next stairway
And I, momentous stone, must roll down after you.

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Margarita Moon

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Margarita Moon

Howl to the margarita moon,
The bourbon stars!
Stretch out your arms to the tequila sun
And smile, my new friend, smile.

Life a shore strewn with broken things
Pounded by surf and crusted in sand.
So reach out and smile a whiskey dawn smile
And rest in bliss, my new friend.

This ease will not last till sunset.
The tide is constant and true.
So howl to the margarita moon my new friend,
And I’ll stretch out my fingers, and howl along too!

Saint Brigid, Saint Patrick, Mary, and God

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Saint Brigid, Saint Patrick, Mary, and God

Saint Brigid saw Saint Patrick
Walking by her lake of beer.
She called to him, “Hey, Patrick!
Care to share a cup of cheer?”

Saint Patrick winked and nodded.
“Aye, but I will drink no beer.
It’s whiskey that’s my drink of choice –
Would you like a dram, my dear?”

So Saint Patrick and Saint Brigid
Got to celebrating days
Until their song reached Heaven
(Drunk voices carry quite a ways.)

Immaculate Mary descended
Down to the lake of beer
And Saint Brigid raised her tankard,
“Hey Mary, how ‘bout a mug of beer?”

Gentle Mary smiled at the pair
“I’ll drink something more fine.
If we’re in celebrating mood
I’d much prefer a glass of wine.”

So Brigid drank a mighty draught
And Patrick from his flasks
Sweet Mary had amphora brought
The angels rolled the casks.

The trio sat by the lake of beer
And sang hymnals full of praise
Until God himself popped into sight
(For he has mysterious ways)

“Across my kingdom’s reaches
Have I heard the noise you’ve made
You could awaken souls asleep
What happens in this glade?”

“Good Father,” said Saint Patrick.
“Come and join us for a drink!
Be merry and happy on a day of feast
Come on, Lord, whatdya think?”

“Holy Lord,” enjoined Saint Brigid.
“Let me offer you a glass!
Let’s celebrate the day of days
That many more may pass!”

“Almighty God,” spoke Mary.
“Come drink the grape’s delight
Let’s sing and dance and spin the Earth
Throughout the day and night.”

And God sat down beside them
By the lake of beer and song
He drank the whiskey and the wine
For God’s tolerance is strong.

Until, that is, God’s humor
Got the better of his mind
“Hey guys, check out what I can do!
Let’s see what I can find!”

Saint Brigid, Saint Patrick, and Mary
All paused within their drinking
Each wanting to see what the Lord would bring
To see what Yahweh was thinking.

With a mighty clap and a joyous noise
The Lord gave out a cheer
And all around the angels sang
And drank at the lake of beer.

Yet when the magic settled,
And the power had all been spent,
The only thing that God had made
Was an awkward looking rodent.

Its tail was rat, its fur was white
“I shall call it – an opossum!
It shall confound my mortal charges…
Now, which Saint had the rum?”

Saint Brigid cheered the creature
And Saint Patrick cried “Here! Here!”
Sweet Mary laughed and clapped her hands
By that merry lake of beer.

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Saint Brigid of Ireland is my patron saint, and her prayer involves providing beer for all eternity for the holy family. On this, Saint Patrick’s day, I like to think that God gets to enjoy him/herself with the Saints.

And like all drunks, strange creatures get made when God gets tipsy. I mean, the platypus, most deep sea creatures, the opossum (which I call God’s sneeze).