Try

Yoda says that there is no try.
I have to disagree.
They are the same thing, doing and trying
Or so they seem to me, master Jedi.
One can try and do or one can try and fail –
Lift the stone,
Finish the book,
Put down the pain-
Trying is the constant, Newton’s first law.
The rest is just a mix of forces

***

It’s 1am and I’m tired and thinking about new year’s resolutions. I don’t really care for them, as it implies that I haven’t been aware of something in need of repair or that I was gathering enough mental steam to *finally* do a thing I’ve been meaning to do. It got me thinking, in this odd hour when my brain has decided it’s not asleep in the slightest, about Star Wars. About trying and failing and trying again – Luke staring in awe and disbelief because he couldn’t comprehend Yoda’s doing the thing he had tried to do (Luke: “I don’t believe it.” Yoda, bitchy teacher that he is: “That is why you fail.”).

I look in awe at my friends who have succeeded, or created, or done something that I wish I could have done but did not. I look at what I’ve done – some good things – and mostly I feel a sense of yearning. I feel like Luke. I’m balancing one stone on top of another, sort of, watching in disbelief as other people are lifting x-wings out of the swamp (in this metaphor, I’m going to say the x-wing represents a completed monetized project, and the little rocks are me making a good breakfast sandwich this morning). I feel small in the new year.

But you know what? Like Luke, I’m going to keep balancing my little rocks – I’m going to keep trying. And eventually, I’ll be lifting that X-wing out of the swamp. Who knows? I may even get a shot at saving the universe…

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